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Much, Too Much to Bear
by Joan Cantrell © 2009

{A sestina is a structured poem of six, six-line stanzas followed by a tercet. The sestina uses the same set of six words to end the lines of each stanza, each appearing in a different order.}

The hardest part is waking up -
Remembering that he’s gone,
This grief of mine is not a dream,
It’s real, it’s raw, it hurts.
Excuse me while I cry today,
I’ve had much, too much to bear.

The face of death is hard to bear,
Though the soul is lifted up -
Hardly a comfort for today,
Knowing my brother has gone -
His heart was broke, now my heart hurts
To see him only in a dream.

The only respite is to sleep and dream,
To numb the sorrow I’ve been given to bear.
The silence of his voice now hurts -
How his laugh could lift me up -
And his smile will be forever gone
Beginning with today.

I think of him again today,
Wishing it was all a dream.
A son, a husband, a father gone -
The thought is much, too much to bear.
Was it God’s hand that pulled him up?
It is now the emptiness that hurts.

The grief is raw, again it hurts.
Let me just get through today
With happy thoughts to lift me up -
Remembering becomes a constant dream.
This heavy weight is hard to bear,
His life is no more - he’s gone.

All future conversations gone,
It is the aching heart that hurts -
His absence is much, too much to bear,
Can he come back just for today?
Would it be fair to live that dream?
Constant prayers are lifted up.

I dream for strength to bear this grief -
To let the hurt be gone,
Have hope to lift me up - if only for today.

About the Author:
Joann is a trade magazine editor and a Golden Quill Award winning freelance writer from Pittsburgh. This poem was written after the death of her 36-year-old brother, one of the oldest lifelong patients of Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh, who died of complications two days after receiving a heart transplant.